Hello again everyone,
Once upon a time I made a regular habit of picking out my favourite tweets of the previous year and posting them on this site. Here are the posts for 2010, 2011, and 2012. I did 2013 & 2014 as a combined post, as I am now doing 2015 and 2016 together.
I have my tweets from @faceintheblue set up to automatically post as Facebook updates, so I get a lot of enjoyment from micro-blogging: It keeps me writing even when I only have a few seconds; it gives me something to look back on to reflect upon; it lets me engage with friends and strangers.
Anyway, if I am going to start building new content into this blog, I suppose resurrecting this little tradition will be a good place to start. It’s worth pointing out Twitter now allows line breaks in exchange for a character, so some of these tweets will use that freedom to allow multi-line structure.
Here are my favourites from the last couple of years. Enjoy!
My Favourite 15 Tweets of 2015
Feb 21, 2015
Through a Toucan Sam-like ability to follow my nose, I have found a bar specializing in local craft beer. I am establishing base camp…
(I tweeted this upon my first visit as an adult to Atlanta, Georgia. The beer was excellent.)
April 3, 2015
Saw my first guy out in shorts non-ironically: His legs are the same sun-starved white as his tube socks. #Toronto #SpringHasSprung.
(Spring in Toronto is often a fickle, tentative thing.)
June 8, 2015
This is a lot of rain, #Toronto. I’m pretty sure there’s a field mouse equivalent of Noah leading earthworms two by two into a shoebox ark.
July 24, 2015
A friend and I were talking politics at lunch with such gusto that the guy at the table next to us bought us a round and paid for our meal!
September 5, 2015
I have a theory that my cat’s joy in life is eating spiders while I’m away. In four and a half years I’ve never seen a spider in my home.
September 27, 2015
I just caught myself having an opinion about soup spoons: I prefer a broad, shallow bowl. Child-Me is appalled at what Adult-Me cares about.
September 30, 2015
That raccoon (or “trash panda” as I’ve lately heard them called) was the size of an obese border collie. I’m crossing the street. #Toronto
October 3, 2015
Forgot to buy cat food yesterday. My cat is having cat treats for breakfast. This does not bode well for my hypothetical future children…
October 10, 2015
Ah, the old ‘Visit your parents on Thanksgiving weekend with a suitcase of dirty laundry’ trick. It’s a classic!
October 29, 2015
Co-workers have discovered a service that rents kittens by 15-min increments. A new office threat? “I’m going to rent you so many kittens!”
November 12, 2015
#FIFA’s presidential candidates sound like Bond villains: Prince Ali Al Hussein? Jérôme Champagne? Gianni Infantino? Tokyo Sexwale? C’mon!
November 14, 2015
Thoughts on the flight: The distance between Air Canada Rouge’s seat rows is exactly equal to the length of my femur. Ask how I know that?
November 15, 2015
Disconcerting: When my drycleaner puts a note in with my suits & shirts saying, “Sorry, this is the best we can do” but nothing is wrong.
(I never did figure out what was wrong.)
November 22, 2015
Half of the conversations at antique fairs are customers telling exhibitors what they would do if they were exhibitors instead of customers.
December 10, 2015
My co-worker has taken ordering food online too far: He just had a cup of coffee delivered by bike messenger. He’s gone mad with power.
My Favourite 16 Tweets of 2016
January 9, 2016
I’m a bachelor. I don’t know how to shop for babies. I’m about to give a 3-month-old a copy of Dr. Seuss’s The Lorax. He’ll grow into it…
February 20, 2016
There must be a class at Barber College about hating sideburns. I asked to keep mine as I sat down. “What? You want-a look-a like Elvis?!”
March 17, 2016
An old man asked if I was in line. I told him there’s no line at the bar.
“Aye? Then it’s a race, then!” He said.
(This was on St. Patrick’s Day at a crowded Irish pub. I ruled that place with an iron fist. No one seems to understand the importance of eye contact, tipping early and well, and knowing what you want when it comes to getting a bartender to serve you over someone else.)
March 31, 2016
Shooting some of the best pool of my life on a first date. This was not the plan.
April 21, 2016
I’m trying to think of the last time I bought new underwear when I was not also out of clean underwear. So far nothing. #BachelorLife
(The hashtag #BachelorLife is a barrel of laughs, by the way.)
April 24, 2016
Just thinking about lucky rabbit feet: How lucky can they be? The rabbits had four apiece, and it didn’t do them any good.
May 22, 2016
I just passed a man walking a dog so pregnant the word ‘gravid’ came to me unbidden. That was one gravid bitch, technically speaking.
May 27, 2016
Some say I chose the Procrastinator’s Life. I disagree. The Procrastinator’s Life chose me… Eventually.
June 17, 2016
Sentences you don’t expect to say? I’ve joined my mother & father at a high-end hotdog joint to hear what Dad describes as, “A Hootenanny.”
(Note: This may have been tweeted after midnight on the 18th. If so, I stayed at the ‘hootenanny’ for a long time. It was a lot of fun!)
June 18, 2016
After the first stop, the only free seat on an otherwise sold-out bus is the one next to me. I feel like a leper: A leper with elbow room.
June 23, 2016
If I can liken my work computer to a dog –and I believe I can– it is starting to look like the last twenty minutes of Old Yeller in here.
(I did not end up having to put my computer down.)
July 8, 2016
‘By the skin of my teeth’ is an expression in the Bible. Exactly how much dental plaque do you need before you start calling it skin?
August 9, 2016
Trump gets that it’s not a dog whistle if everyone can hear him, right? I’d make a slide whistle joke, but he’s in trombone country now.
(This was when Trump said Second Amendment People should do something about Clinton after she wins the election.)
September 24, 2016
It’s interesting how often men in their 60s refer to table salt as ‘White Death.’ Oh, they still eat it, but they know they’re doing wrong.
October 20, 2016
“Trivia starts in 15 minutes. It can get a little loud.”
“That’s my fault,”” I admit.
The cafe’s polite laughter confirms it is true.
November 20, 2016
Baileys on the rocks? Check.
Music from 30-300 years before my birth? Check.
Very old Santa hat? Check.
Let’s decorate a Xmas Tree!