My Favourite 18 Tweets of 2018


Hello everyone,

Well, it’s been another great year. Time for my annual round-up of things I’ve said on Twitter that I think are worthy of remembering. For anyone interested in taking a trip down memory lane, here are the lists from 2010201120122013 & 20142015 & 2016, and 2017 as well.

A fun thing that I said in 2017 that panned out? Upping the character count from 140 characters to 280 characters did indeed give me a lot more room to craft a fun tweet. With that said, Twitter and Facebook are no longer on speaking terms, so my Tweets no longer double as Facebook updates as of some time last summer. While putting this list together, I noticed I have started using Twitter very differently since the change. I wonder what my 2019 list will look like..?

Anyway, here are the 18 tweets I am happiest with for 2018. Enjoy!

My Favourite 18 Tweets of 2018

Jan 15, 2018

Reading J.P. Mallory’s The Origins of the Irish. He begins with the supernova(e) creating the heavy elements in our solar system. Two years ago I read an Irish history written by a 19th C nun who began with God creating the Earth then drowning all the poor sinners except Noah.

Feb 8, 2018

It snowed yesterday.

It’s snowing today.

There is snow in the forecast for the next three days.

February? If something is bothering you, use your words. Acting out like this is unhealthy for you and for the people around you.

Mar 20, 2018

‘Probity’ is a word with a positive meaning that you only ever see used in bad connotations: Someone either lacks it enough that people bemoan its absence, or the abundance of it has rendered a straight-laced person so boring that praising their probity is the go-to compliment.

Apr 5, 2018

My Dad is home alone. I asked what he was going to have for dinner.

“Well, I’d order a pizza, but your mother threw away the Yellow Pages.”

I explained his computer or phone could get him the phone number. It was a brand new idea to him. He said it sounded like a lot of work.

Apr 19, 2018

There’s a little girl in a #Bruins jersey outside the Air Canada Centre waiting for the game to start. A reporter interviewing people in the crowd asks a #Leafs fan, “How can you boo that little girl?”

“Age is just a number.”

#BOSvsTOR #NHLPlayoffs

(Worth saying I tweeted a lot about the Toronto Maple Leafs’ post-season in 2018.)

Apr 24, 2018

On my walk home I buried my hands deep into my jacket pockets and came up with fragments of broken candy cane. My first thought was, “How old are these?” My second thought was, “I sure hope they’re only four months old…”

Apr 25, 2018

Sometimes strange words pop into my head unbidden. While examining a picture I thought, “Look at the gormless expression on that guy’s face.” I had to look up the definition: Dull, slow, stupid, without understanding.

Well done, Brain. That was obscure, scathing, and accurate.

May 11, 2018

Tonight’s party theme is superheoes, and also drag queens? Drag queens, of course, are the superheroes of the LGBTQ community. Anyway, there are some pretty awesome costumes walking around. I am here as ‘Man Wearing Tie.’ My superpower is undoing my top button.

(The Royal Ontario Museum throws themed parties on Friday nights from time to time. This was at one of those parties. It was a lot of fun.)

Jun 1, 2018

Hey, @NASA? If something is put into an orbit around Venus equivalent to a geosynchronous orbit around Earth, would that be an aphrodiosynchronous orbit? If we don’t already have a term for that, can it be aphrodiosynchronous? I sure would like to coin an astronomical term.

(Seriously, if this becomes a thing, I want credit for coining the term.)

Jul 5, 2018

Who writes the @CP24 headlines?

“Health officials say people who died had health issues”

This can be read several different ways: Obvious? Oblivious? Suspicious? Mendacious? Malicious? Callous? Lazy? Farcical? Factual?

If it wasn’t just bad writing, it would be genius. #Toronto

(CP24 is the news channel you can have on all day in Toronto with the sound off. One quarter of the screen is always weather. One quarter is always traffic. One quarter is people doing 24-hour news, and the last quarter is news stories as text in a loop that updates several times an hour. There isn’t a lot of room to actually write content in one quarter of the screen. This tweet is regarding something I read that obviously shouldn’t have been summarized down quite that far.)

Jul 9, 2018

My internet discovery of the day? The Finkbeiner Test. In short, journalists covering female scientists should ask themselves, “Am I making this story about her work, or her gender? Her work, or her struggle as a woman to do her work? Her work, or her family while she’s working?”

(I used to date a research scientist. She would have LOVED this term. There are many reasons I regret we are no longer on speaking terms. Not being able to share this with her is one of them.)

Aug 3, 2018

Upon exchanging good mornings, my coworker says, “I have a serious problem! You see, my house is a square–”

“–That is a problem! I keep telling you, rhombus houses, buddy. You need to live in a rhombus house.”

I am an insufferable conversationalist before my morning coffee.

(I call the man I am before my morning cup of coffee ‘Gibberish Geoff.’ He’s a free-thinker who says exactly what he’s thinking. Sometimes it’s funny. Most of the time it’s not.)

Aug 15, 2018

There are drunk teenagers in a backyard a few doors away in my neighbourhood playing a vicious game of ‘Turn the volume up! SING WITH ME!’ versus ‘Shhhh! You GUYS!? The neighbours..?’

I actually don’t care. I’m up anyway. I just think it’s funny.

Sep 17, 2018

There are a couple of trees on my street whose leaves are already changing despite yesterday’s ridiculous heatwave. I dub these trees ‘Quitters,’ and I will hold them up as an example of how this Millennial generation of trees lacks grit and moral fiber.

Nov 20, 2018

As a rule I do not mention people by name on Twitter, but my best friend just had a baby. Her name is Colette. I expect to be a big part of that little girl’s life, and I just want to say something here to mark the occasion.

Nov 24, 2018

For the last ~175 Saturdays I’ve either been #writing and editing my trilogy, or feeling guilty about not writing and editing my trilogy. I published the last book yesterday. I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with myself today.

Nov 24, 2018

Someone just described me as, “Awesome but not a dick about it.”

Strong contender for my headstone, right there.

Dec 19, 2018

I’ve Just interviewed someone for an entry-level copy-writing job. “Where do you stand on the Oxford Comma?” I asked.

“Love it. Love everything about it,” she replied.

Not only did she answer correctly, but she did so with gusto. That’s a major point in her favour.

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