My Favourite 17 Tweets of 2017

TweetHello everyone,

Well, it’s a few days before the end of the year, but I’ll risk it and post my top 17 tweets of 2017 a little early. This has become something of a tradition of mine. Here’s 2010, 2011, and 2012. I did 2013 & 2014 and 2015 & 2016 as combined posts.

As I’ve mentioned, I have my tweets from @faceintheblue set up to automatically post as Facebook updates, so I get a lot of enjoyment from micro-blogging: It keeps me writing even when I only have a few seconds; it gives me something to look back on to reflect upon; it lets me engage with friends and strangers. I think these are the best I’ve done this year. Enjoy!

My Favourite 17 Tweets of 2017

Jan 24, 2017

Dry winter air plus layers of warm clothes has made me more static electricity than man. The bathroom door handle is metal. God help me.

(Someone on Facebook advised me to touch the drywall before touching the doorknob to ground me. That tip saved me many a painful shock.)

Feb 5, 2017

Just overheard little kids and their father grocery shopping. A kid says, “Mommy doesn’t let us eat this stuff.”

“Well, Mommy’s away.”

Mar 13, 2017

Work conversation:
“Is this bag of stuff on my desk yours?”
“Nope, not mine.”
“It’s full of mayonnaise packets?”
“Hey! That is mine!”

(The coworker in question has since upgraded his condiment collection from a bag to a series of sorted cups. Any day now I expect he’ll open up a fast-casual dining restaurant. He has half the ingredients already stored up…)

May 12, 2017

My 91-year-old grandmother has expressed a desire to get in a canoe again. I’ve booked the day off work. I’m taking her to Algonquin Park.

(A fun thing? This actually went viral. In the end, I got my grandmother featured in a canoeing magazine’s blog.)

May 15, 2017

Sometimes when my computer freezes at work I anthromorphize its struggle into a type of pain. Right now it’s having an ice cream headache.

Jun 3, 2017

You know they put ‘Hertz’ right in the name, but renting that car was painless.

I’ve workshopped that Dad Joke for 36 hours now. Nailed it.

Jun 16, 2017

Trouble #1: When you use a stapler as a paperweight, it ceases to be a paperweight when you use it as a stapler.

Trouble #2: Powerful fans.

Jul 1, 2017

This Canada Day BBQ is now devolving into an argument about which Star Trek is best, and which is worst, as is tradition.

Jul 3, 2017

Using my vacuum to vacuum the vacuum: Physician heal thyself.

(I really did this. When I moved into my apartment more than six years ago, the previous tenant left a vacuum cleaner behind. This was the first time I ever fired it up, and the first thing I cleaned with it was itself.)

Jul 11, 2017

My coworkers are comparing their pigeon coo-ing impressions to see who does it best. We don’t really get a lot of work done after 4:30…

Jul 16, 2017

A man drove up my sister’s driveway in the middle of a family BBQ to tell her everything she is doing wrong with her lawn. #SmallTownMadness

(My sister bought a house and decided to resod her lawn. Little did we know this would become an all-consuming topic of interest to a man who lives ten blocks away but drives by her house regularly…)

Sep 7, 2017

Someone just greeted me “You’re looking fresh & clean today.” I’ve decided to take that as a compliment while rethinking my usual hobo chic.

Sep 15, 2017

I stepped on a tiny shard of glass. My landlord had to pluck it out of the sole of my foot with tweezers. That’s one way to start the day…

Sep 20, 2017

Pleasantly surprised to see a corner store with a toy section. The shelf above the toys? Hardcore porn. Here’s hoping the kids are under 5′.

Oct 25, 2017

“Let’s go into the boardroom. If I’m going to pontificate, other people don’t need to hear me bloviate.” A thing I really said this morning.

Nov 3, 2017

Someone just wagered a beer I couldn’t guess the GDP of China to the nearest trillion. I love my friends, and I love my victory beer.

Dec 12, 2017

The polite young men who stand at the corner of Yonge & Eg wishing people #HappyHanukkah have upped their game this year: They’ve acquired what I assume is an off-duty icecream truck and rigged up its PA to play Jewish fiddle music. #Toronto

(You can really tell the difference between a 140-character limit and a 280-character limit, eh? Next year will undoubtedly be a wordier affair… )

One thought on “My Favourite 17 Tweets of 2017

  1. BEV KEYES

    You are coming tomorrow around 11:00? Did I tell you that Patsy is coming, too?

    We were at a funeral all afternoon, now going to friends for dinner. Next week, things should slow down!

    We both love ear buds. Only if you have some to spare.

    Till tomorrow then…. Love, Bev

    Bev

    >

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s